Monday 3 June 2013

I Am Not A Model ( A love letter to my body)

Diving right into things, one of my struggles is self/body image. I've been praying for healing, and God is answering! Last week I came home from work, tired and dissatisfied with myself. As I was getting ready for bed, God stopped me in the middle of putting on my pjs. I stood in front of the mirror, in my underwear, and took a long look at myself.
Suddenly my head was flooded with thoughts that I certainly wouldn't think.
I knew it was God. I started speaking the things out loud, to myself.  
"I am not a model, nor do I want to be. I do not have a bikini body; I am 17 and my belly gently curves. It's OK. I don't want a bikini body, because I don't wear bikinis." 
"Why would I want to be the object of a stranger's lust?"
Like many women, I have moments of discontent: I wish I had more definition here, or was flatter there, or slimmer over here, but why won't my boobs grow?"
It's easy to get caught up in wishing for what you don't have. Start comparing yourself to other women, and I guarantee that you will be miserable. I've struggled with self-image and body issues for most of my teens. I was seeing myself through the lens of a world that demands perfection of women, while it sits on the couch eating chips. Double standard much? I asked God to show me what HE saw. He is my Creator, he knows best. He has a pretty good idea of what I should look like. He made me. Viewing my body though His eyes was a completely different experience. He spoke through me, about my body. 
"I love my face. It is expressive, and I do things with it that make people laugh. I love my infectious smile, and how my chin points down to make a heart shape when I smile. I love my eyes, blue or green, depending on the light, but always dancing. The windows to my soul. I love my strong eyebrows that frame my face. They are thick and mobile. I love my nose, a perfect blend of strong and gentle; a feminine nose. I love my hair: Wild and curly, a perfect extension of my personality. I love my elegant neck, curving into strong shoulders that extend into strong arms. My arms are not cut. Every muscle does not pop, but my arms are strong. They can paddle a kayak on a windy day. They can carry my sister after she's seen a snake, and is too afraid to walk. They give strong, comforting hugs. My hands serve food, and prepare meals to bless my family. They haul groceries and hold doors open. My arms are strong; they can support a friend who has reached the end of their strength, and needs to be carried."
"I like my chest, though it's small. I never have guys ogling, or back pain that my better endowed friends complain about. It's easier to dance and swim. I love my back and waist, they work together to support my body. My belly gently curves into my hips, despite the amount of planks I hold, or the number of crunches I do. I'm learning to embrace my curves, wanted and unwanted, as a sign of womanhood, a badge of honor. My hips may make it hard to find pants, but as they widen, it signals that my body is ready to bear children, even though my mind and heart are not. I love the curve of my bum; just enough padding that sitting isn't uncomfortable."
"I love my thighs. They are strong. They carry me up and down stairs, on walks with my mom, my dog, or with friends. They support me as I stand all day at work, or in the kitchen when I'm preparing a meal for my family. I love my calves and feet, My feet are astounding. Something so small (well, size 9) can support my entire body! My feet do a lot of work; managing gas pedals, carrying me to different destinations, or dancing in worship. They are beautiful, and they support me: A child of God, made in His image" (Genesis 1:26-27)   
It is my prayer that you may come to know and see yourself through God's eyes! Just because I had this experience doesn't mean that I'm never going to have a bad self-image day. What it does mean is that I can go back and read these affirmations from God when I'm feeling yucky, and pray that His voice would overpower the lies that are trying to destroy my joy. 
May you be blessed! 
Star
If you want to do some more reading about the bikini subject, I strongly recommend this article: http://madeinhisimage.org/the-bikini-question/

1 comment:

  1. This was beautiful! It just made me grin and grin:) Thank you for sharing this!

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